Personal Connections, Misconceptions and Skewed Perception
I just deleted one of my blog tags: The Network. When I started out with this whole social journey, many people were calling it that, and it sort of stuck. I’m finally ready to let go. I’ve followed discussions about how there isn’t one network, we each have our own. I believe that to be true, though there is quite a bit of overlap. The networked community that surrounds me is unique, flexible and dynamic.
I feel a certain sense of ownership of my personal connections. I worked hard to cultivate a social environment that gives me the opportunity to share my talents and receive thoughtful critique and feedback. I surround myself with positive people who share my desire to learn and to give. While I tend to avoid negative and draining associations, I have room to help those in need because I’m saturated with positivity from the others. The relationships are real and multifaceted.
I may be surrounded by a community with ninety percent of the same members as yours, but the dynamic is completely different. There is no, “The Network.” There is no elite clique. You choose your associations. You develop the relationships and control how you interact. If your community is dragging you down, you can inject change agents, or jettison the dead weight. You should be able to eliminate personal anxiety from your social communities by nurturing those relationships that are the most rewarding. If you feel there is an elite group, or clique, it is your perception based on the way you are interacting. Consider your intentions when you attempt to connect with an individual. Are you trying to build a relationship? Do you simply want to increase your network numbers? Are you seeking personal validation by connecting with someone others see as important? Have you examined whether or not that relationship will be mutually beneficial? Do you know what you bring to the table?
I mentioned the fact that I worked hard to build these relationships. There is work involved, but it is mostly pleasure. The work is simply the physical actions required to cultivate and maintain the connections. Actions can take the form of joining online communities, reading and commenting on blogs, providing positive feedback to others, seeking people with similar interests, and exploring the connections of people I respect and admire. The work does not involve creating physical connecting opportunities for my entire network. These connections form naturally and disburse when either party no longer perceives value. We connect around social objects and activities for which we find personal meaning. We drift or disconnect when those associations are no longer valid, and reconnect when presented with a new object for which we both find intrinsic value.
Visualization tools can give a false sense of connectivity. You can’t discount the importance of the individual connections and their diverse contributions to your community. You cannot expect to successfully orchestrate a physical meeting of the members of your personal community with a dynamic that mirrors your online connections. It is just not possible. Imagine sitting around a table with 10 members of your personal network, all of whom include each other in their own networks. The way you associate with person number 1, is completely different from the way person number 5 associates with them. Attempting to physically represent your virtual network is not possible when faced with the noise of the other networks involved. When you move back to the virtual space, you aren’t faced with that noise.
If you wish to physically connect with your online network, casual opportunities for social interaction may be the best choice. Assigning roles, providing discussion topics and limiting attendance goes against the organic nature that built your successful online network. Forced network interaction is destined to disappoint. Those who attend your casual gathering will build a new community, with a new dynamic. Keep an open mind and seek the visual cues you don’t have the opportunity to see in online communities. Get contact information for those with whom you feel the most affinity. Pay attention. Try to release your preconceived notions. Relax and let the connections form naturally.
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:43 pm
This is such a great philosophy. I started my blog, not to get hits, but to share ideas. Working in education, you tend to only hear from the educational perspective. Not that it is bad, but it is limiting. There is so much more outside the school house walls. I have developed relationships with those in education, but I have also developed relationships with people in the fields of business, consulting, media, and others. Building relationships inside and outside education is what I got into blogging for. It is sort of the them of my blog.
We don’t have to try so hard. It’s like forcing yourself on people, trying to gain new friends. But if you follow that route, are they ever truly authentic relationships?
You said it best, “Relax and let the connections form naturally.” Thanks for giving us all some great advice.